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microsoft 1978
microsoft 1978

Seven habits that help produce the anything-but-efficient markets:

Think Short Term

  1. Be Greedy
  2. Believe in the Greater Fool
  3. Run with the Herd
  4. Overgeneralize
  5. Be trendy and
  6. Play with Other People’s Money

If you would know the value of money, go and try to borrow some.

Two stock brokers are in a bank, when, suddenly, armed robbers burst in, waving guns and yelling for everyone to freeze.

While several of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the two stock brokers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, and other valuables.

While this is going on, one of the stock brokers jams something into the other stockbroker’s hand. Without looking down, the second stockbroker whispers: “What is this?” The first stockbroker: “It’s the $100 I owe you!”

Why has astrology been invented?

So that stock market technical analysis could be an accurate science.

A mathematician, an accountant and an economist apply for the same job.

The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks “What do two plus two equal?” The mathematician replies “Four.” The interviewer asks “Four, exactly?” The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says “Yes, four, exactly.”

Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and asks the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The accountant says “On average, four – give or take ten percent, but on average, four.”

Then the interviewer calls in the economist and poses the same question “What do two plus two equal?” The economist gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down close to the interviewer and says “What would you like it to equal?”

An Analyst:

Is a trained professional paid to guess wrong about the economy.

My God! My light bulb burnt out! Sell all my G.E. stock NOW!!!

How many stockbrokers does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to take out the bulb and drop it, and the other to try and sell it before it crashes (knowing that it’s already burned out).

A Technical Analyst:

Is a trained professional paid to use computers to guess wrong about the economy!

Why did God create market analysts?

In order to make weather forecasters look good!

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