Investing and Financial Jokes and Cartoons

banker panhandler 1

Stockbroker’s Creed:

A man is a client until proven broke!

QUESTION: What’s the difference between a pigeon and a stockbroker?

ANSWER: The pigeon can still make a deposit on a BMW!

Bumper sticker on Wall Street:

My other Porsche is for sale!

The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night. I woke up every hour and cried.

Banks will loan you money if you can prove you don’t need it.

Einstein dies and goes to heaven only to be informed that his room is not yet ready.

“I hope you will not mind waiting in a dormitory. We are very sorry, but it’s the best we can do and you will have to share the room with others he is told by the doorman.

Einstein says that this is no problem at all and that there is no need to make such a great fuss. So the doorman leads him to the dorm. They enter and Albert is introduced to all of the present inhabitants.

“See, Here is your first room mate. He has an IQ of 180!” “That”s wonderful!” says Albert. “We can discuss mathematics!”

“And here is your second room mate. His IQ is 150!” “That’s wonderful!” says Albert. “We can discuss physics!”

“And here is your third room mate. His IQ is 100!” “That’s wonderful! We can discuss the latest plays at the theater!”

Just then another man moves out to capture Albert’s hand and shake it. “I’m your last room mate and I’m sorry, but my IQ is only 80.” Albert smiles back at him and says, “So, where do you think the stock market is heading?”

Analysis: The less you say, the less you have to retract!

financial statement
If you would like to know the value of money, go and try to borrow some.

QUESTION: What’s the definition of a stockbroker?

ANSWER: Someone who invests your money till’ it’s all gone.

If you can count your money, you don’t have a billion dollars!

Trading Slang


Market statistics are like a bikini:

What they reveal is important, what they conceal is vital!

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